I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
