Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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