So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
