dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
