It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
