the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He felt like a one man threesome
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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