I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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