I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
