i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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