One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
