just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize