My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
