dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
