Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
