I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
