I wish life had little blips of pornography
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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