He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
