I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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