She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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