Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
