I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
