you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
