she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.