She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story