3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
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I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza