found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?