I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
