Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
