just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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