U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
