we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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