what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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