Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
