we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
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Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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