I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
