Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
