i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
