Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Couch. On fire.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
