Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
