you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
