You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
