so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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