Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
