I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
