i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Sober January is a disaster.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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