dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
even my farts smell like vagina
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
