She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
