I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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