I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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