chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
