Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
