you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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