Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
