Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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