I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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