and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
