I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I deserve this hangover.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
