im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
