She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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