I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
