But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
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What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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