You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
