As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize