I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
