Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
