So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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