I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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