walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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