i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
