Already got asked if we're dating
Where is the hickey?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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