the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm at about main and main street
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
