my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
