how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
