I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You're earring is so big in my mouth
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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