I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
