Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
