between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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